


Gone Rogue

by rensbxtch



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bad Ass Reader, Ben Solo - Freeform, Blood, Blood and Gore, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Dom Kylo, Eventual Fluff, F/F, F/M, Finnpoe - Freeform, Gun Kink, Knifeplay, Knights are obsessed with us, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo is rough, Kylo isn’t exactly “heartless”, Kylo ren is not nice..at first, Lots of Sex, M/M, Masochism, Money, Multi, Multiple Partners, Porn With Plot, Protective Kylo Ren, Sadism, Smut, Snoke is a ballsack bitch, Spy work, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Threesomes, Violence, Voyeurism, mafia, mafiakylo, too much smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:21:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28246851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rensbxtch/pseuds/rensbxtch
Summary: ALSO ON WATTPAD-SAME USERNAME3 years.It had been 3 years since you left, since you ran.You're sent to make another big hit, but what happens when that someone was your previous best friend?You don't do it, you couldn't kill him, you could never hurt him. You couldn't handle it so you dropped everything and ran. Trying to turn a blind eye to your past, you take up a job as a stripper in a high end club. Life was good, you were getting by and you were happy with your friends. Life was never that easy.One night your boss tells you you'd be dancing for a VIP and not to mess it up for the club. But how could you not it was him...18+ only!!!
Relationships: Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	1. Is it Angel or Princess?

_Breath in._

_Breath out._

Fixing the last strap on your heel you go to stand in front of the mirror.

_In._

_Out._

Bright silver jewelry flashes in the mirror all over your body. Silver chain, silver earrings, silver watch, and silver rings. While your hands trace up and down your body your eyes admire your curves. The dress is skintight to your body, _smooth_.

Good, no weapons showing.

 _Breath_.

A black dress hugs itself to your body. A high slit decorates your left leg showcasing your thigh. Thin straps adorn your shoulders. The silk drops from your chest in ruffles in a low cut to your belly button perfectly show casing your cleavage. You grimace, "Awesome, I wonder how many old men are going to stare at my tits tonight." It's not like I even picked this out, you thought rolling your eyes. Checking your legs, making sure your gun is intact to the garter as well as the silencer on the other leg.

_Breath._

_Calm down._

Standing closer to the mirror you brush a red over your lips and add the last touches to your make up. Your hair flows down your back in waves as your hand pulls it from the up do.

_In._

_Out_.

You repeated the same few words to yourself as you got ready. You repeat them as a driver pulls up in front of your complex. Then again, as you get out of the car and try to stay focused on the mission. You repeat them as you stand at the bar, knocking back a shot.

This should be easy right? Taking down the man of the city. It's just Kylo Ren so it should go smooth right?

No.

Leaning your back against the bar you bring your drink to your lips. Condensation drips from the glass on to your hand. As you wipe it off you flip your wrist checking your watch. 15 minutes. Letting a bored breath out, you survey the room, social elites fill it. Men dressed in expensive suits and women with beautiful dresses on, decorated in accessories from their cheating husbands. Pretty much all of the women in here tower over you with at least 10 more years of age. Great, definitely don't look out of place.

Jack hadn't told you what Kylo Ren looked like just that he was young and radiated wealth. He told you Kylo would be surrounded by six other men, his knights. Jack joked, saying apparently there's a rumour they are all blessed with the looks of gods. Well by the looks the of the greasy men in the crowd you were starting to thinking it wasn't a rumour.

This gala was organized for nothing, completely random, no special occasion. Why? because...rich people. This was their definition of a "party" entirely different from yours. Why would you spend a night in flashy clothes with snobs, when you could be somewhere with loud music, sweaty bodies dancing, wherever your "friends" were and of course alcohol and drugs? Specifically weed, no just weed, lots and lots of weed. Just thinking about it you were aching to just go home and smoke a blunt.

5 Minutes.

He should be arriving at 7:45, so you had time. Walking outside to the balcony you pull out your cigarette carton, shaking it. One left. If things could get worse, they do. You realize you never put a lighter in your purse. Already on edge, you groan and turn around expecting to go back inside. Instead your met with a broad chest. Running into the man, you drop your cigarette and prepare to berate some geezer for making you. But oh were you wrong.

You take a step back and look up but your eyes dart around like hail over his figure. He has a blacked out suit on with the first few buttons undone showing the beginning of his tattoos. Shit, he is huge. Even with a jacket and shirt on his muscles are prominent, finally able to look up your met with piercing blue eyes and a devilish smirk. You were awestruck, he was gorgeous.

"I was going to offer you a lighter, but you seem to be enjoying the view." And his voice, yeah.

It's equivalent to sex.

You shudder and stand in shock but your bad attitude wanted to come out and play . "Don't flatter yourself, just go you already made my drop my cigarette." He lets out a deep chuckle, " Does this balcony belong to you Princess ?" You roll your eyes, "No but my personal space does." He shakes his head with that smirk still evident on his face. He tilts your chin up and pulls it closer to him. Reaching into his coat jacket you think he's going to pull a weapon. Without any second thoughts, you reach for your knife in your purse at the same time. He looks down and his eyes flash with darkness. "Slow down I'm not going to hurt you." He pulls out a cigarette and places it between your lips. Bringing the lighter up to it, he lights it and you forget to inhale.

"Princess, inhale your cigarette."

You take a long drag and blow it out towards the view in front of you. " Stop calling me that, it's fucking annoying." He scoffs, "So what do I call you?" You decide to play into whatever this is and give him your name. He repeats it back to you as if he were testing the taste of it in his mouth. A red flush takes home on your cheeks , you open your mouth to ask his name but he cuts you off.

"Vicrul."

"Well thank you Vicrul." He looks down at you from his towering height and whispers in your ear. "You sound so pretty saying my name princess." This time you don't stop him from calling you that, you just let the word flow into your mind and take shelter there. You let out a nervous sigh, you were flustered.

Get it together, you never get nervous around men.

Letting out a gasp you push away from him and check your watch.

7:50. _Shit, shit, shit._

You quickly put out your cigarette and turn to run back inside, but apparently Vicrul had different plans. He latches on your your wrist. " Gone so soon Princess?"

You pull at your wrist, " Yeah asshole I have someone to meet." Paranoia creeps in your mind what if he knows? He's going to kill me before I can do anything. Shit I should've smoked today. I'm so done. I'm going to die. I need weed. I'm going to fail a mission.

You were just overreacting surely..

"At least let me have your number." You nod and give him your number, saying quick goodbyes. Even though your heart rate is through the roof, you giggle, knowing you have him a fake. As you run into the gala you look for any sign of Ren. None. You can't find him and you're pissed. You groan and hurry up the steps to the upstairs bar. That's when you see him.

Ben.

Emotions spark like a wildfire in your head, why is he here? I missed him. Oh my god I missed him. You hurriedly scuffle past people to see Ben. He's surrounding by six men. All young, all handsome, and the man in the middle gives off the essence of...

 _Wealth_.

Then it clicks for you, the way his was acting before college. Closed off, colder, like he was training to enter the Mafia or something...that's crazy though he would never, but still. He stopped answering calls and everybody. His attitude, his disappearance, the wealth, his age, the Knights. It all clicked like the snap of a finger.

 _Ben Solo is Kylo Ren_.

Your body freezes in its tracks, just staring at him and all you can think is why. You quickly try to snap out of it and try to convince yourself to go through with it, even though you know which side is going to win.

_You knock on the door, waiting to be let in. After a few seconds the door is opened and you're welcomed with the loud barks of Chewie and the playful shouts of Mrs.Organa. Her eyes are sad and mournful as she meets your worried ones. "He's upstairs, go on up and let me know if you need anything." As soon as she moves out of the doorway your feet bolt, upstairs to his room and open the door. He looks out into the window to the beautiful sunset from his bed. You run to him and jump onto him holding him close. His arms wrap around you when you feel his chest stutter and his sobs ring in your ears. He wails loudly while gripping onto you._

_That's when your tears fall, you cry together holding each other, even when the sun was done setting. Even when the only light in his room was the moon's light shining through. Lingering cries softly turn to sniffles and you look up at him for the first time. His eyes show nothing but betrayal and disdain for himself. He has a busted lips and a black eye. You feel a pit in your stomach and you gasp. Bringing your hands away from his back you hold his face with both. " I'm so sorry Ben, I'm so sorry." A single tear falls from his eyes and he nods solemnly. After a while you pull away from each other and go out to the roof._

_After rolling one of the shittiest blunts you've ever seen, you light it and smoke with him. No words were said you were there to comfort him and he gladly welcomed it. You look to him just to see he's already looking at you. The weed already taking its effects, you giggle and hold open your blanket for him to come closer to you. He quickly agrees and you hold onto him. "Ben?"_

_"Hmm?" He hums as the blunt in placed in his mouth. "I want you to know that whatever happens, no matter what type of people we become, Ill always be here for you, I'll never hurt you, I promise."_

_The look of surprise is evident only in his eyes as he gives you a cheeky grin and kisses the top of your forehead, partially letting the smoke and taste of the drug flood your senses. "I know, I know."_

Blinking you try to stop the tears from flowing after that locked away memory somehow found its way out of its box. You look up and see that Kylo is looking at you. Alright time to be a fucking actor. Hoping you look different then you did when you were 10 years ago, you hold eye contact a little longer and give him a little smirk before turning away to go to the bar.

Glancing over the bottles of alcohol you swirl your drink, thinking about tomorrow. Fired. You'd be fired tomorrow, that much was obvious. You didn't pull off a job and that never happened. You sighed and pushed your hair off your shoulders to let it cascade onto your back.

"Old fashioned on the rocks."

Ok, so not only is he even more handsome his voice has gotten sexier. You grit your teeth and turn to look at him. You look up at him with for eyes to see his solemn eyes already looking back. You give him an innocent smile.

"And a Cocktail for the lady."

"Oh no I'm go-." He cuts you off with the wave of his hand. As the drinks are poured in front of you, your mind is going into overload,what the hell do-. "Here you are." The bartender interrupts your train of thought, as he places your drinks in front of you. "Come with me." You reluctantly agree as he walks you out to the second floor balcony. You stand there anxious rolling your neck and playing with your purse. He leans on the railing and looks out to the forest surrounding the estate.

"Angel?"

 _Your old nickname_.

"Geez, is it angel or princess tonight?", you murmur.

He looks to you. Trying to keep your poker face but with every word spewed from his mouth, piece after piece of it falls away. "I'm sorry?" You question him trying to keep the innocent look. " Cut the act with me, do you think I'm stupid?"

"W-What do you mean?" You stammer as you begin to get worried. "You may have grown into a woman but you still roll your neck when you're anxious." He tsks, looking away and sipping his drink, " Bad habit, you should lose it."

You can't move, one step and you know the tears are bound to fall. "Come here."

You look down and shake your head that feeling already in your throat, your lips quiver and you feel tears fighting to get out. Feet approach you, but even then you don't move. Broad arms wrap around your back and his chin rests on your head. "Angel why are you here?", and cue the tears. Your arms shoot out to wrap around his back and you hold him close to you sobbing. The whole time his hand glids up and down your back and he hushes you. " I know, I know." Those same words from that night. This only urges on your tears as they turn to loud sobs. "Ben, I-I dont...I had no clue that you wer-." He tilts your chin up and looks into your eyes, "It's ok Angel." He kisses your forehead and you hold him closer.

"You kept your promise, so I guess I can't stay mad at you, right ?" Promise? What promise?

For a second you were confused, but then you remembered.

_"I'll never hurt you, I promise."_

You frown, nodding, and bring your hand up to trace his jawline. " I can't do it Ben I can't ."

He knowingly nods. "You've really grown Kid."  
You playfully punch him, " I'm only four years younger than you shut up." He chuckles and you swear you felt it in your-

"I am serious though, you're very beautiful." You bashfully thank him and let him wipe your tears. "How'd you know?"He brushed a piece of hair out of your face, pushing it behind your ears. "Someone had been taking out some of the top guys so I had my knights investigate, never knew I would find my little angel behind it though." You giggled, " Well you never know." His face turned serious, " No, you don't."

Looking out to the greenery you lay your cheek on his chest. His fingers softly stroked through your hair. "So what are you going to do now?" His voice had become softer, interrupting your thoughts. "I can't go bad to the agency, I'll be killed." He looked at you almost with a sense of pity, maybe even relief that you weren't going back, " I'll need to leave Los Angeles, find somewhere to stay, probably across the country, I'm not sure."

"Angel, I can help you leave." Lighting up with joy, hoping he'd come back into your life, your eyes shot to his, "Really?". He saw the joy on your face and sighed, shaking his head, "Not in the way you think though." He strokes your cheek, "I won't be able to go with you, you'll have to leave on your own." That excitement quickly dissipated, "But..but why?", "It's too dangerous angel, for both of us."

_Both of us._

"I am not the same person I was always those years ago I was just a boy, a weak one at that, things have changed angel." The puzzle pieces flash by in your brain and you slowly saw the bigger picture.

_"..too dangerous."_

_"I'm not the same person.."_

The knights, why the hell did he need them. The disappearance, the cold antics, the money he has now. Most importantly the hit ordered on him. He was not a business man who had changed his name and became wealthy. No, he wasn't a business man in a big company on the top floor in meetings. He wasn't a man who woke up every morning at 6:30 to go to work, a cup of coffee waiting on his desk from a secretary in his office. He was a dangerous man with money coming from who knows where. He wasn't Ben Solo anymore he _really_ was someone new.

Holding onto that epiphany, your stomach became sick, but nonetheless you looked into his beautiful eyes. "Will we be able to stay in touch?"

"No, but I promise you when the time is right I will find you darling."

Solemnly nodding you looked at him and then to his lips and back. He quickly picked up on it. Hands wove through your hair and onto your neck. Pulling you closer to him, he brought his lips to yours. It was a kiss full of so many unsaid words, one full of promises, of care, of hope. You know one of those bone-crushing, spirit-freeing kisses. His tongue traced your bottom lip begging for entrance, you allowed him. What was once an innocent goodbye kiss had turned into something so much more. It was in fact a promise, a promise for the future, but what would that future hold?

Unwillingly pulling away, he cradled your face. He gave you an address. You exchanged one more kiss and held each other just a little longer, saying goodbye you walked back into the gala a boat of emotions. Distraught over leaving him so soon, but happiness from that kiss.

You ran into your apartment grabbing your essentials and some clothes. Running into the bathroom you grabbed necessities. Of course there was no way in hell you would leave all your jewelry or money. You had kept the apartment scarce just a bed, a couch, little furniture, and nothing personal just in case a day like this came along. In 15 minutes your stuff was cleared out into two bags. Changing into a sweatshirt and sweatpants you headed for the door with your bags on your shoulders. Did I forget something?Nah..

_Shit_.

You dropped your bags and ran into the bedroom quickly getting on your knees to get under the bed you grabbed a sleek back box, you gave out a happy cry proud of yourself for remembering it. "How could I ever forget you."

_If you had left your weed, you would've have been pissed._

Standing on the curb you looked at your complex, well old complex now, and tried to calm yourself.

_"A driver will be there waiting once you're outside they'll come to you just wait."_

Riding in the backseat you held onto your necklace.

_"They'll give you a plane ticket and take you to the airport. When you get off the plane another driver will take you to this address."_

Soaring above the clouds you looked out the window from your seat.

_"When the time comes..-"_

"Could I get you anything to drink?" A flight attendant approached you. Turning her away with a shake of your head, remembering everything from tonight. He said he would take care of everything all you have to do is pack your bags and leave. Shaky hands held the sheet of paper in front of you.

450 E 75th Street New York, NY 10065

Well you did say across the country. You thought back to the agency, you really kept to yourself you had no real friends, at least any you would miss. Maybe Jack but he just gave you recon. Nothing was really left behind. Would they look for you, or is Kylo going to take care of that too? Nerves on edge you played with the tips of your hair. You had left the agency, ran, left without a trace. Essentially you disappeared, no it's something else. A shaky breath leaves your body at this revelation, talking in your head, "I've..

_Gone Rogue_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- i hope you enjoyed the fluff in this chapter because miss ma'am is going to disappear for a little...
> 
> btw this an introduction chapter before her life "starts".
> 
> *(I want to say thank you guys for giving this story a chance. I will try my best to get chapters out, but dw there will be plenty over break. I'll have to post more on weekends than weekdays when break ends. Love you guys.)*  
> -A


	2. Unexpected

**TW:MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, EXTREME ALCOHOL AND DRUG USE, SEVERE INTOXICATION, SICKNESS, BLACKING OUT, PANIC ATTACKS AND PATERNAL ISSUES.**

_Beep._

_  
Beep._

_Pulling your leftovers out of the microwave, you grab a fork and sit on the counter. You tried not to but you had thoroughly thought about him today. Appetite scarce now, you ate half of the food and put it into the fridge. The spark lights your blunt as you inhale. Horns honking and loud people fill your ears, city life my ass. Still you try to enjoy the view from your Upper East Side apartment, the one he sent you to, the one that reminds you of him every morning you wake up. Life had been better this time around, you actually had friends and a stable job._

_You wouldn't go as far as to say it was safe, but it was damn sure safer than your last. Taking a longer pull this time a tear slips from your eye. The first year was the hardest, when he said "I will find you." , you were thinking a few weeks, possibly months. Soon that grew into a year and another and another. Keeping the roach you go back inside you drop to your knees and cry and cry and cry. 2 and a half years and you still missed hi_ m _like hell._

_That night you cried yourself to sleep, moping around the next day.  
_

_That was six months ago_.

Sitting in front of your vanity mirror, you internally curse yourself for thinking of him tonight. You thought time would heal, but no everything makes you remember him. In fact it was Gina who had brought Chinese food into your room, making you remember that night.

Gina was a vixen, she was beautiful. Long black hair and piercing green eyes. She was blessed with long legs and a really fucking nice ass. Her chest on the other not so fortunate, but hey you can't always have both. She was a bright personality and kind spirited girl. She was your first friend at the club, she showed you your way here and you quickly clicked with her. A great person and even better friend.

She brought food into your changing room, even though her shift had already ended. A warm box of food is placed in front of you, " Eat bitch.", she joked with you. Giggling you open the box and eat some, thanking her.

"Ladies, can I come in?"

It was Poe, your boss. Most stereotypes cast strip club managers as dicks, but Poe was one of the sweetest souls. If you had met him outside of the club you would've thought he ran a non profit organization for puppies, not one of the biggest strip clubs in New York. He too held a special place in your heart.

"Of course Poe." He walked in with a grin on his face. Walking up behind you he placed a hand on your shoulder, as you looked at him he stole a piece of chicken of your plate. " Hey not fair." You fake pouted and he laughed. Sitting next to Gina on the couch his demeanour changed from playful to serious. "Gina would you let us talk alone for a second?"

"Yeah, yeah go for it, I'm going home love you guys.". "Love you Gina." As the door clicked shut you looked to Poe in confusion, "What's up?"

He sighed running his hand through his hair, "We have a big guy coming here, as a VIP with some other people, he wants to look into investing the club." You laugh, " Ok..and?"

"Well I want you to dance on Main stage tonight." He itches the back of his neck, afraid of an outburst. "What, why?". He chuckled, "You're one of the prettiest girls we have here...and I don't want to be weird but like I think if I have you up there..they'll want to invest."

You nervously fiddled with your hands in your lap, "Poe I don't kn-"

"Honey look if I wasn't gay I would totally have boned you and that's saying something."

Trying to laugh at his joke to calm yourself, it doesn't help at all. On the inside you're practically shitting your pants.  
  


_Main stage?_

He cuts off your rampant thoughts, "Please, I really need this, the club needs you ", your name falls from his lips in a silent plea. Seeing the desperation in his eyes you nod, " Ok, ok...but you really owe me." Arms wrap around you, Poe jumps up grabbing you and jumping with you, " I love you, I love you, I love you." Some of the nerves wear off but nonetheless, you're still having a breakdown in some corner of your mind.

Poe had left you, giving you time to prepare yourself. You settled on your best outfit. A black two piece with crystals lining the lace on both the bra and thong. Strings fell from the bra wrapping around your stomach. A garter was attached to the thong with crystal detailing too. Matching your heels to the bra you deciding on closed-toe heels with straps that intertwined on your legs to above your knee, barely touching your garter. A lot of people looked down on stripping but it gave you so much confidence, you felt _powerful_ , _elegant_.

Your skilled hands quickly brushed makeup onto your face. A bright red with a smokey eye lid, crystals adorned your cheeks, making it look like you were crying crystal tears. The previous day you had your hair blown out, so it flowed from your head, pin straight. Tying together the silk on your robe you took one last look in the mirror and you were ready.

_Breathe baby.  
_

_  
Come on you got this._

"I think you just got me hard."

You giggled at Poe's comment. Standing in front of the mirror in his office. He grabbed your shoulder and shook them, " Go be yourself bitch, you're beautiful."

_Deep Breathes._

Standing behind the curtain, you had put your silk robe back on. Your heels lightly tapped the floor, trying to move past the qualm you were feeling. The music stopped and heels were the only things you heard. Roxy was off. You were on.

Roxy, another one of your close friends at the club, she was gorgeous. She has the whole Barbie look, blonde hair, blue eyes, fake tits, fake ass, lipo, the whole nine yards. None of that bothered you though, you loved her for who she was. You had met her a few short months after meeting Gina.

"You're gonna kill it out there babe, go." She gave you a light kiss on the cheek before walking away.

_Deep Breaths_.

The lighting on the main stage was such a stark contrast to the other stages. You couldn't see the crowd, but they could see all of you. In some ways that made you feel better, not knowing who's out there. Multicolour lights shone on you while music played, as your heels hit the floor, whistles and cheers floated through your ears. Sure the attention was nice, in fact _intoxicating_ , but it was so short lived only the length of a song. That's why you guessed you stayed there, it was like a buzz from a cigarette.

Tuning out the noise of the groggy men, you began your routine. One hand grabbed the pole, while you walked around it. Your hands trailed from your cheeks to your breast, being a _tease_. Turning your back to the crowd, you united your robe and shimmied it down to your lower back. Looking over your shoulder you let it come down, before throwing it off into the crowd. Cheers got louder, but once again you tuned them out. You thought you felt eyes on you, but quickly dismissed it. This is a strip club after all.

As you came out of a normal spin, you gracefully hooked your right knee onto the pole and used your arms to pull your body horizontal. Doing a split you spun your body around in a Marion Amber. Letting your right leg and arm fall, your left leg took its place on the pole as you spun down in a keem. Continuing to move your body around you hooked your right knee onto the cold steel into a Scorpio. Letting go you softly fell to the floor in a split.

_Well Poe said put on a show._

Your heels traced the floor, slowly pushing yourself onto your knees. Your hands pushed out in front of you, your back arching perfectly. Pulling yourself up from the floor with the pole your flipped your head up letting your hair flow down your back once again. Once again moving slowly, you spun around the pole letting your hands go. Your body moved in calm circles in an ankle release. Letting your ankles loosen on the pole, you dropped a bit to grab hold of the pole with your hands. Your right knee stayed hooked around the pole as you finished your dance with a reverse butterfly. Your feet hit the ground first as you pulled your hands away from the pole. Feeling eyes burning into you, you stalked off the stage delicately, but quickly.

"Babe you never fail to amaze me, that was perfect." As you walk through the curtain, you see Poe waiting for you. Rolling your eyes, you fake a swoon, " You're too kind sir." You both laugh as you walk to Poe's office. Poe pulls you into a tight embrace, "Seriously though, thank you doll you really were amazing." You rub his back and give him a soft smile. "I should be thanking you, you let me dance main stage."

"And I definitely should more... _shit_."

"What?"

"I have to meet with the VIP now you're free to go home, love you."

Poe hands you a robe to put on to walk back to your room. As you walk, you can't help but to have a strange feeling. Someone was here, you _knew_ it.

"Ah, Princess." Quickly turning around, you're met with those same blue eyes from a few years ago, what the hell is _he_ doing here.

"Vicrul?".

  
The same smirk adorns his face, he walks closer to meet you in the middle of the hallway. "I-I... what.. why are you here?". He tilts his head looking down at you, "What a man can't come to a club and enjoy himself?", he licks his lips taking in your figure through the thin robe. Once again you roll you eyes, "Never said that, it's just strange to see you here, in New York, where I work.", you cock your head, "Bit weird don't you think?, definitely _unexpected_."

A deep chuckle rolls from his mouth smoothly, "Pure coincidence, _Princess_.".

"Whatever and if I remember correctly I said to stop fucking calling me that.". Turning on your heels to walk away from him, he grabs your wrist. He clicks his tongue. "Gone so soon..?". This time he says your name. You try pull your wrist from his hold, "Do you have a thing for pulling my arm when I'm trying to walk away? Like I'm just confused." As he opens his mouth to make a snarky remark he's cut off.

"Vic, where the fuck are you?" A voice yells from behind you. The source of the voice came from behind you as loud steps follow. A different voice calls out this time, "Uh, I don't think boss would enjoy you ditching work to fuck someone right now." You shove Vicrul and turn around, "I am not going to fu-"

Your train of thought vanished as you turn around. Met with the predatory gazes of 5 tall, brooding men, you're unable to get the words out. Warm breath tickles your neck. "Cat got your tongue, Princess? Introduce yourself." Vicrul urges you closer to the men, but your feet stay planted to the ground.

"She was the one on stage earlier right?". One calls out to the group. You lock eyes with him when someone else speaks, "Yeah she was."

Never missing a chance your attitude races to the front of your mind, "You do know I'm standing right here? No need to talk about me in third person buddy."

"Buddy?, by all means if you want to play buddy buddy with _all_ of us, don't stop on our account." Laughter flowing from each of the men fills the room, but you are unbothered. "Oh kiss my ass."

"She's got an attitude on her."

You walk towards the group of men ready to push past them but one blocks your way. He stares down at you, letting his eyes linger on your figure, "I think I would like that..", his eyes turn to Vicrul, "What was it again? Ah, _Princess_."

_Well fuck_.

"Come on please, can you guys just let me walk to me room in peace, _please_."

He fakes a frown, "I thought you wanted to be _buddy buddy_ , are you even going to ask our names?"

_Prick_.

"If I do, then can I go to my room?". He has a smug smile, "Deal.". Silence fills the room, "Can you not speak or something, _introduce yourselves_." The man in front of you smirks, "I'm Ushar, Princess." Soft brown hair rests on his head as you hold the gaze of his brown eyes. He points to the man beside him, he has dark black hair and sharp green eyes, "That's Ap'lek." Onto the next one, he has light brownish hair and dark brown eyes. A clean trimmed beard sits on his face. "Kuruk." The last two look similar but obviously not related , both with dark blonde hair and blue eyes, the one on the right having slightly darker hair. "And those two are Cardo and Trudgen."

_Intimated_.

You feel absolutely terrified of these large men, but also very intrigued.

You let your eyes study them for a little longer, none of them fail to have massive frames and strong muscles. All decorated in black suits and your _favorite_ , silver jewelry, expensive at that. Some have tattoos barely visible from under their suits, but you can tell some of their bodies are painted in them. For some reason they seemed oddly familiar, but you couldn't put your finger on it.

"Well, it has just been my _greatest joy_ meeting you but I want to go home so goodbye.". This time Kuruk speaks, "You know for working in a club, you're not being very entertaining right now." He tsks and shakes his head. Ready to spew venom at them, all of their eyes leave you and turn to loud footsteps echoing through the hall.

"What the fuck are you doing standing around?"

Your head snaps around faster than your mind can comprehend. Meeting those beautiful hazel eyes.

 **  
**_Ben_.

His eyes met yours, but his face portrays no emotions. Without missing a beat he speaks, "Leave us." Immediately they turn to leave, muttering out _yes sir's_. Questions race in your mind left and right, but the pain and anger you've felt for years boils up.

"Where the hell have you been?"

Completely ignoring your question, he stalks towards you as his face looks around the hallway, a displeased look on his face. "Never took you for the stripper type,", his eyes reach your figure, "a quite good one at that ...." No _angel_ , just your name. "There's no way you're being serious right, you left me three years ago in a city I don't know and you're talking about my job choice, what the fuck is wrong with you _Ben_?"

"It's Kylo." Anger storms in your body, but most of all you're hurt. "What..why.. I don't understand, why would you put me through that, after everything we've been through?". The tough exterior falls as your voice cracks. His jaw tenses, "I am a busy person, that should have become obvious very quickly." Taken aback by his vacant responses, your shoulders drop and you feel tears rise, "What became very obvious _quickly_ , was that you didn't give two shits about what happened to me, you really have changed, having a new name suits you." Not wanting him to see you cry, once again you try to walk to your room.

"When did I say I was done talking to you?". Sharp pain builds in your chest.

_He's breaking your heart.  
_

_Deep Breathes, come on._

Sighing you turn around to meet his cold gaze, raising your eyebrows at him you wait for a response. He rubs his chin letting out a breath, "I told you I'm busy...it's not that I didn't necessarily care, I just didn't have time or need to have you bothering me." A tear falls, "Why are you treating me like dog shit on your shoes? You send me away after I risk my life because I _cared_ about you enough to throw my job away. I mean I could've been killed after that for all you know."

"Don't get dramatic I had my men deal with that and had them watch you."  
  


"Your men?"  
  
  


"The Knights, the ones you were just fucking around with."

_So that's who they were._

"You're unbelievable, I don't know you anymore, nor do I have time for this." Taking another look over your shoulder at him as you leave, "The time came and you found your _angel_. Since your men are watching me, I'm sure you know where to find me _Kylo_.".

Sitting in you parked car, you let out vicious sobs. You feel empty, lost. Every shred of hope you had of being reunited with Ben is lost in the wind. Falling back into the same pit of loneliness and sadness, your eyes glaze over with tears. No appetite, no emotions you drive letting your mind move on it's own. As you try to unlock the door you find it already unlocked. At this point you didn't care, you just wanted to make yourself feel better. Dropping your bag on the floor and your keys on the counter, you move around in the darkness of your apartment letting the moon be your guide. You pull a bottle of Vodka out and take it to your room, not even bothering to let your eyes look around your apartment.

Unbeknownst to you, four knights sit in your living room watching your every move. Plopping down on the floor of your bedroom you switch on your flashing lights. Letting the color stop to blue before stopping it. Screwing of the cap of the bottle you take a long swig, enjoying the burn of it, of feeling something. Reaching under the bed you pull out your infamous black box and pull out a preroll.

Something in your nightstand taunts you, calling to you. Another cry wracks through your body as you stand up. Pouring two orange pills into your head you knock back the molly with the Vodka. You grab and blanket and walk out to the balcony and sit down. The lighter flicks on as you light the joint. You take a long pull and let the potent smoke fill your lungs.

Your mind warns you, you feel yourself falling back into that oh so familiar down spiral. Already feeling the molly and alcohol take effect in your body, you feel brighter on the inside. As you smoke the blunt you can't help but to see the same man from your childhood within Kylo, just a different face.

_Your father._  
  


You can't help but giggle, that's just how you coped with it, _humour_. You feel those same feelings you did as a kid, hurt, disgusted, and abandoned.

"What is wrong with the men in my life?" Continuing to drink and smoke till the bottle is empty and the joint is gone. You begin stand up letting all three different intoxications flow through your body. You fall to the floor and giggle, letting the molly make your mood happier. The glass door slide open as you stumble through it, tripping on the blanket, you hold your hands out to stable yourself. The empty bottle falls from your grip and shatters.

At the loud commotion the knights quickly get up and run to your room, weapons drawn. They barge through the door, only to find you clutching your belly laughing. Tucking their weapons away they stand looking at you. You step over the glass and run over to them, jumping on Vicrul he holds you under your thighs as your legs wrap around his waist. "My buddies." Your words come out slurred as your hands work over his face and chest, enjoying the sensation of his firm body under his clothes.

His nose scrunches up as the smell of weed comes off your clothes and the alcohol from your breath. He moves to set you down onto the bed put you hold him tighter, " No no no, don't leave me please, everyone leaves me." He sighs as he stands at the foot of the bed wrapped in your death grip. He looks around the room to see the spilled bottle of molly on top of the nightstand. He cranes his neck to look at the other knights, to see them looking at the bottle too.

They all have the same understanding as they watch you.  
  


  
_Get Kylo_.  
  


  
Kuruk steps out with a sympathetic look on his face, he feels for you. He went through the same thing, drugs and alcohol after he had-

"Kylo?"  
  
  


"It's 1 in the morning this better not be a waste of my time."

"It's her, Kylo and she's not doing good."

"The fuck do you mean _doing good_?". Kylo hates the way his heart sinks hearing that. Nonetheless, he doesn't let it stop him as he holds the phone to his ear, rushing to put his clothes on and grab his keys.

"You're 100% the reason for this, get over here and fix this shit." Kuruk tightens his jaw as he hangs up on Kylo. He would never dare defy his boss, let alone one of his best friends but he can't help his anger at him. He puts his phone back in his pocket and walks back into the bedroom to find you screwing around with the knights.

"Tag you're it." You push Ap'lek as you run from his open arms trying to calm you down. You run into the bathroom, locking the door. Ushar rattles the door knob trying to get in. "Open the door, damn it."

"No, you're not it." Ushar gets irritated and looks to the other men, they shrug standing around. He turns back to the door knob before getting an idea. He'll coax you out. "You can't play tag with the door locked, that's not how it works.". He rolls his eyes as he hears an exaggerated gasp, "Wait, you're so right." The door unlocks and he steps back ready to grab you. You open the door to see four agitated men, before any of them can get to you, you shoot past them out of the bedroom. Feeling light as a feather and so full of life, the drugs stay adamant flowing in your bloodstream.  
  
  


You spin throughout the living room giggling, when you hear the front door open. Your confused state urges you to think it's more of the knights playing tag. Running to the door you let out breathy laughs and sighs and yank open the door. Suddenly your blood runs cold and you feel bitter.

"No one invited you, leave asshole." Your arms feel heavy as you try to push the door closed, but his hand stops it from shutting. Backing away from him you walk backwards and you're met with the chest of someone behind you. Feeling trapped, you become paranoid.

_There's no escape._

And that realization makes you freak out. Your stable consciousness is long gone and there's nothing to sooth you, nothing to tell you deep breathes or to calm down. Hyperventilating, you try to push away from the sandwich of men. All laughs and giddiness are gone and replaced by panic. "Guys stop please stop." Whoever is behind you grabs ahold of your of your waist and holds you there, you thrash and cry out. "Stop I cant bre-"

"Shut your fucking mouth.". Kylo's anger is evident as he walks closer to you.

_Pure_ panic pushed through you. This time real cries come from your mouth as tears race down your face. He grabs your jaw and makes you look up at him, "What are you doing with yourself?". Your mind betrays you and forces you to watch the memories of your father. No longer deciphering what is in front of you and what isn't your stomach churns. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, let me go please." Your head droops as Kylo tries to lift it up.

_You passed out._

  
Vicrul grips you tighter as he feels your body go limp. "What are you doing Kylo? She's obviously on shit and you're scaring her.". Kylo snarls at him, "Do you think I'm stupid?". Kuruk scoffs, "Yeah, right now, you look especially stupid." Kylo moves towards Kuruk but Ushar steps in front of him, "There's more important things going on right now.". He nods towards you as you start to wake up. "What did she take?". No one says anything just looks at him.

"Speak.". He barks out at them.

"She smoked a whole joint, drank a full handle, and took some molly.” Kylo feels sick to his stomach at this,

  
_I really pushed her that far.._

Kylo looks at you beginning to freak out again. He grabs you but you push him away heaving. Your broken expression looks up into his eyes, clutching your stomach, you lightly push on his chest. "Be-Kylo I don't feel so good." More tears fall as your body hunches over. You sluggishly run into the bathroom everyone following you. Kylo is right behind you, tripping over your own feet, you grimace ready for the hit to your head, but Kylo is there to grab you.

He helps you kneel on the floor and squats beside you quickly pulling your hair back. After a few heaves, the alcohol starts to come up full force. He rubs your back, trying to comfort you. Kuruk walks in with a cup of ice water and sets it on the sink counter. Moving his gaze from your hunched over form to Kylo, he sees something rare behind his eyes. 

_Pain and Regret._  
  
  


Shaking his head he walks out leaving you and Kylo. A few more empty gags and your body decides it's done. Fatigue falls over you as you stand up and pass in and out of conscious. He picks up in his arms and cradles you, looking in the mirror at the reflection of you passed out in his arms he feels anger, not at you but at _himself_. Met with the disappointed looks from his knights, he looks away.

"Clean this mess up and go home."  
  


He orders his knights as he walks to the front door. Ap'lek calls out to him stopping him, "Be careful Ren, make sure she's ok." A solemn nod is given.

When he buckles you into the passenger seat of his car, you come to and start mumbling. Rushing to get into the drivers seat. He starts the car, "Angel?" He turns to face you as you stare forwards, "Hmm."

"What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't." The tears still don't stop. He sighs and thinks for a second.

_Mom would be so disappointed._

His brain taunts him and he grimaced thinking of her. A warm hand is placed on your thigh and Kylo begins driving. He too feels lost, both of you have grown so much and so far apart. He lost himself and you. For the first time in a while Kylo feels weak. His mind races as he watches the road and the city around him. You're looking out the window, quietly humming to yourself, drawing meaningless patterns on his hand. When he parks the car he looks to you, so _infuriatingly perfect_.

  
"You can at least walk right?".  
  


You give a small nod, "I can, but can you carry me please?". He feels his heart flutter at that and he quickly gets out of the car wanting to hold you.

He holds onto you tight as your legs wrap around his waist and your arms around his neck. Your soft breath on his collarbone is an adversary to his inner turmoil, and one he gladly accepts. He holds tight as he walks into the building. He holds tight as he watches the floors go up in the elevator. He holds tight even as he sits on the couch. He holds tight as he rests his chin on your shoulder and strokes your hair. "You awake Angel?"

A breathy yes against his skin that incites shivers in him gives him his answer. You pull you head up to look into his eyes. "I'm tired." Standing up he walks into his bedroom and lays you down. He grabs some of his extra clothes and changes you.  
  


This was a regular occurrence when you guys were younger, one of you got too messed up to change out of your clothes, so the other would do it for you. Never any ill-fated intentions, not then, not now. Kylo may have changed, but never would he hurt his _angel_.

"Sorry."

"Hmm?". Kylo wasn't sure if he had heard you correctly.

"I'm sorry Kylo."

Kylo pulls your hair out of the hoodie, to let it rest on your back. He walks to the other side of the bed and sits watching you lay down. You turn to face him. Still feeling loopy from the drugs you open your arms towards him. He doesn't move towards you so you sigh. Moving to rest his back against the headboard he opens his legs and pats in between.

You get up and crawl towards him, sitting in front of him, he pulls you closer into him. His hands find your scalp and begin that same tradition.

_Braiding your hair._

Nudging you with his leg you hum, " What are you sorry for?". As he finishes braiding your hair you pull the elastic of your wrist and hand it to him. He wraps it around the end in the braid and grabs you under your shoulders, bringing you onto him. Your head rests in his lap and your arms lay on his legs. Once more, his hands find your head and he massages it. Looking up into his eyes, yours begin to flutter shut. "Come on talk to me, why are you sorry?".

You shrug as you bit your cheek, trying to cut off the dam of ever-flowing tears. "I don't know, everything," , you avert your eyes to stare out the window, "...i guess, just please stop being mad at me I don't know what I did wrong." Kylo's hands wipe the tears from the corner of your eyes before they can stream down your cheeks. A loud yawn from you makes Kylo pull his hands away from your face and just like that your asleep and making soft noises. Almost like a _kitten_. Kylo's heart squeezes in his chest watching your face, purely innocent. He knew all too well the girl behind it was far from that.

Flipping you over to rest your face on his chest, he gets you both in a comfortable place before pulling the covers over the both of you. He kisses your forehead before resting his cheek on your head.

"Mom _would_ be so disappointed in me, Angel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Ok look I know I said no more fluff for a while but this is an exception. Kylo isn't heartless, Angel is special to him and she kind of got really fucked up so of course he is going to take care of her. I'm warning you don't be surprised when he's mean again🧍🏻♀️. Also I'm sorry this chapter was so harsh but it's was a necessary step to write the rest of this and obviously some people are hiding things..... anyways thanks for reading this garbage. Love you guys  
> -A


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